I seem to only use tumblr to vent. So here I go.

I feel like im stuck in one place. My life is a mess. Starting with my room. I dont know where to begin. Third year in college and still NO fucking idea what I want to do. What I’m good at. What I like. What I’m passionate about. Like, no direction. It’s incredibly frustrating when everyone else seems to know what they’re doing. 

I finally understand the feeling… being surrounded by so many people but feeling alone. Im practically never alone, but this lifestyle is empty. Its fun, and reckless, but its empty. I enjoy the people i hang out with dont get me wrong. They definitely know how to make a reckless night EVEN MORE reckless lol, but i just feel alone. I feel misunderstood. 

I feel exactly how i did before my mom tried to kill herself. I was depressed and empty. I changed my state of mind, but now i seem to have fallen back into this phase.

Not doing so hot in school either. I feel likeI’ll never graduate if i keep changing my major. 

Maybe school isn’t for me? But i can’t NOT go to school. I would feel like a bigger of a failure than i do now.

I lost my calculator.

Cant find my math notes to study for my final.

Little things are getting me. Stressing me out. Making me anxious. 

I have a horrible way of dealing with stress. I say “Fuck you” to everything. Lately I’ve been a little out of control and need to settle down.

I just feel lost.

I know I’m supposed to take one day at a time. Live for today and worry about tomorroe, tomorrow. 

I dont tick that way though. I’m wasting so much precious time and money. -smacks head against keyboard-

Everything has a solution, I believe that. BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS MY SOLUTION? Lol

-_____________________-

If i could go on a road trip with one other person, drive off to a new place, and just meet new people, discover and forget? I would. In a heart beat.

I dont want to talk to other people. I feel serene around strangers, because they don’t know me, cant judge me. Its a new beginning. And it’s something i really want. A new beginning.

I moved on, but this world is pretty small. Turns out my friend is buying an extra edc ticket and for some DAMN reason it had to be from you. Lol -.- old feelings I thought I let go of have come back. I guess what you wrote to her about me got me wondering what if. You’re in a relationship and happy, and I’m happy for you. I guess just wondering what we could have been is eating away at my brain since we never communicated our feelings. You are probably the only guy that has ever blown me away in the manner that you did. And because of you I know exactly what I want to feel when Mr. Right comes along.

I’ll be seeing you.
- Allie

To the one’s who are going through what I went through as a kid.

to the ones who are suffering from domestic abuse, whether emotional or physical. 

to the ones who have alcoholic parents

to the ones who feel trapped

to the ones who feel alone

it won’t be like this forever, the sun will shine again, dont lose your light.

The right guy will move mountains for you if he has too. <3