Here I am again. Lol -.-
I seem to only use tumblr to vent. So here I go.
I feel like im stuck in one place. My life is a mess. Starting with my room. I dont know where to begin. Third year in college and still NO fucking idea what I want to do. What I’m good at. What I like. What I’m passionate about. Like, no direction. It’s incredibly frustrating when everyone else seems to know what they’re doing.
I finally understand the feeling… being surrounded by so many people but feeling alone. Im practically never alone, but this lifestyle is empty. Its fun, and reckless, but its empty. I enjoy the people i hang out with dont get me wrong. They definitely know how to make a reckless night EVEN MORE reckless lol, but i just feel alone. I feel misunderstood.
I feel exactly how i did before my mom tried to kill herself. I was depressed and empty. I changed my state of mind, but now i seem to have fallen back into this phase.
Not doing so hot in school either. I feel likeI’ll never graduate if i keep changing my major.
Maybe school isn’t for me? But i can’t NOT go to school. I would feel like a bigger of a failure than i do now.
I lost my calculator.
Cant find my math notes to study for my final.
Little things are getting me. Stressing me out. Making me anxious.
I have a horrible way of dealing with stress. I say “Fuck you” to everything. Lately I’ve been a little out of control and need to settle down.
I just feel lost.
I know I’m supposed to take one day at a time. Live for today and worry about tomorroe, tomorrow.
I dont tick that way though. I’m wasting so much precious time and money. -smacks head against keyboard-
Everything has a solution, I believe that. BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS MY SOLUTION? Lol
If i could go on a road trip with one other person, drive off to a new place, and just meet new people, discover and forget? I would. In a heart beat.
I dont want to talk to other people. I feel serene around strangers, because they don’t know me, cant judge me. Its a new beginning. And it’s something i really want. A new beginning.